Conquering Headcase

Headcase

omg WHAT am I doing? I'm not going to know what to say! I have nothing to say! I'm going to say the wrong thing! I'm going to break them! They are going to think I'm an idiot and regret that they gave up time on a Thanksgiving weekend for me.


Headspace


Ok what truly went on here was a victory of sorts. Backstory: I have been involved in a hobby for about 11 years. For about the previous 5-6 years I have been longing to get into the coaching side of the hobby. I've done some little stuff and always felt that I might be pretty good at it. Well, this weekend was a culmination of almost a year ago taking a bit of a risk by contacting the director of a chorus to see if they would be interested in having me come and coach.... yes for free. I was trying to gain experience and hey I figured if I sucked that at least all it cost them was giving up a day. Truthfully I didn't have a lot of "experience" to offer them either.


Well after many moments of "I don't think this is going to happen" it finally did AND I gotta say... I was pretty DAMN good. This from someone who has often had trouble saying.. yeah I'm good. But I truly felt like I was able to give them tools, I really think I inspired them in some stuff, I had them in tears (good ones) like THREE times. I helped them connect to each other as fellow chorus members and I think, helped inspire confidence in themselves. I got some great comments from the chorus members, I got some cool little gifts from the chorus and the quartets I also coached.


So I'm at home, exhausted but kinda pleased with myself.

One little tip on what I did was before I entered the building I just took a minute to throw it out to the universe to allow me to saw and do what came to me, to see their need and allow the universe to tell me what it was I needed to do. Gotta say that worked pretty well.

Yay me!


AND I have to say, it was a much needed boost for me. Over the past while I've really found my confidence flagging in myself, as a performer, as a teacher in this genre (with my chorus) and wondering if perhaps I needed to step back because I couldn't offer what was needed.

I can't say that I know whether I will be coaching again any time soon, I would like to but I think for know it was enough to know that YES I CAN and whether it happens again or not I know I did it this time.

P.S.

Still take those risks man! you can always change your mind but you'll never know if its right if you never try.

Surrounding

Headspace

When gets overwhelmed with "busy", in order to keep the sanity going it seems imperative to put your head down and take one step at a time. Well I've been doing that and it seems to be working, I've remained calm and still energized in the face of an overwhelming learning curve. I take small bites and feel like I can be competent down the road.


Headcase


Well despite all that there are some downsides:

• I'm sick for the first time in over a year
• I am feeling very disconnected from people in my life. I just feel like I don't have the energy to do more than basic communication. Truth is I miss everyone but and also kinda feel like I don't want to to talk to anyone
• I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 4 weeks. I am out until 10-11 at least 3 nights a week and don't have a free weekend until the end of October.
  

hmmm that's it though, it will all be fine breathing, breathing, that's all I'm doing, breathing

Leaping into the abyss

Headspace

Taking a chance and taking it step by step, day by day. In the face of a daunting new job description, I can only focus on what day 1 then day 2 bring not the entirety of the expectation. For that would be beyond overwhelming. It's very scary taking a step into the unknown but scaring yourself is really the only way to grow. Having come to accept how bored I get easily I need to be stimulated with new things. Therefore taking jobs which I already know I can do is a lovely recipe for ZZZZZ. Truth is I've proven to myself again and again that I can take on challenges and figure stuff out when I don't know. When was the last time I was faced with an opportunity of unlimited growth? How many times in the past have I turned away because its been beyond scary but I blame it on something else? hmmmm food for thought. This is definately (scared) a familiar reaction but this time... bring it on... I am a fearless woman creating light and energy

Headcase
AARRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Foundations

Headspace

Ok just back from another great weekend at Foundations where I have spent a second weekend helping facilitate. This time I was in the weekend 2 room where one of the processes is helping people put words to their purpose. There is something so amazing about talking to people, delving into things that have made them feel great and helping them find their own words to their purpose, watching their faces light up as they say certain words or tears over a particular wonder moment. Watching them have moments of peace in finding that they often do things already that are on their purpose. That they can focus on being on purpose more now that they can define what that is.

For me there is so much growth in taking the focus off myself and focusing on other people and seeing where they are at and how they grow and how they learn things through each stage, the laughter and the tears. I'm so grateful I've been able to add this to my life.

Headcase

*Please note that Headcase is temporarily closed having had its azz severely kicked this weekend, it is currently in hiding and on mute. SO.THERE.

Frantic Circles

Headspace

Some action has been happening in my life on the work front. For the first time in 3 years I am considering a permanent job (I KNOW). I've been doing a lot of work on throwing it out to the universe and letting go of any reliance on the outcome. "Universe, I trust in you, I will take the step forward, if this is the step you would have me do then I will move forward in this job should it come to me. If this isn't my next step then do not allow it in my life (i.e. do not have it "offered to me) and I will know that something better is waiting and work towards that.

So releasing, letting go of any judgement on the outcome so that should it happen, or should it not happen, I know I'm ok and that I'm still meant to do something great.

AND another huge idea is....even if this isn't the be all or end all of my life.... at least TRY something different. Give it a chance, approach it wil open heart and open mind, you cannot fail because even if it doesn't work out you are no better off then you were before. All "mistakes" are just learning.

Wow.. that's deep

Headcase

OMG what the HECK do you think you are doing? Did you hear them describe this job? you can't do this? remember they said those magical words of hell "detail oriented" and "passionate about systems" really? could you be passionate about systems? you haven't found a man to be passionate about.... would the system come battery operated? YES!!!??

What if your references tell them about the purple wart on your third toe, then what will they think of you. Everyone will know you are a loser.

What if you don't get this job? your career will be over... what if you GET this job? your career will be over.... is that my tail?... almost got it.... is that my tail? I better chase it some more... is that my tail........ its getting away!!!

O

Walking the line on two realms

Headspace

I have been doing an awesome job lately of really focusing on doing bits of self improvement each day either through positive thinking, reading/listening good stuff, journalling, meditating etc. For the most part it is working really well. I feel very positive, I feel great things are going to happen in my life in terms of work and I'm getting a little more belieiving that I can start knocking some walls down and creating good things in my life. I have seen signs of of some possible opportunities and have had the strength to turn things down that no longer feel like they fit in my life even though they live in the realm of my old "shoulds".

So yay me!

Headcase

So oy! dealing with a sitch. I have a friend that I am in a co-leadership role. Our working styles aren't the most conguent but we've worked really hard to forge (I thought) a working relationship with open communication. However a couple of times we've had converstations that felt rational and came to courses of action. Then I get an email a few days or a week later saying she feels I don't trust her or listen to her opinion, that she felt strongly about something and I ignored her.. in the meantime she also says "but its not important" or... "do what you think is best". Ok seriously grow a back bone... if you expect me to sit back and lay a bed of roses for you to delicately walk upon.. you'll be waiting a while. There is a lot more history SO not worth repeating.

I will say I've several times done what she has asked in terms of "she feels need for room to grow".. biting my lip a lot over stuff I'm not seeing dealt with so that she can "learn from her mistakes". Patience of Job I tell ya so to be acussed again is totally steaming my wheaties if ya know what I mean.

So yup I could totally be in the wrong .. but dude...not gonna deal no more.. you are harshing on my guru, sunshine, granola eating mellow that I'm working on like a fine tan.... and ain't nobody gone make me shove my light back under the bushel (not sure what good a light in a bushel would be anyway).

Peace Out